Brock

I wrote this blog a few weeks ago but just had the nerve to post it today.

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I have worked at Johnson County (KS) Juvenile Detention Center since March 2007. I started out on the evening shift, but ended up on the night shift—where I’ve been for about a year and a half. I do shift work, so I don’t have much interaction with staff from other shifts except the exchange of pertinent information about our residents.

Last November, I stayed over to work overtime on the day shift. I was already acquainted with an officer by the first name of Brock. But now, since I was working on his shift, I could talk with him. After some generalities, he asked, “You went to seminary right?” I said yes. He went on to describe a ring that his late grandfather had left behind. On the inside of the band, it was marked with the word “Mizpah.” Brock asked what the word meant because he had heard it was from the Bible. I told him that it was a word used in Genesis 31 in the account of Jacob and Laban parting ways.

Later on in the day, I asked Brock if he had ever considered following Jesus. His answer surprised me. It was not hostile. His attitude was not belligerent. He simply said, “No, I’ve never even thought of it. Our family has never even discussed it or considered it.”A few days later, I gave Brock a copy of More Than a Carpenter by Josh McDowell. I told him that maybe we could get together and discuss what he thought about it. Sometime later, he told me that he had read most of it, so I suggested that we go out for lunch or dinner on that Thursday or Friday. He agreed to go out to dinner on one of those nights (I can’t remember which one.) However, because of family commitments, he suggested that we wait to meet until after the holiday season was over.

January came and I presented a new Bible to Brock. He explained that he had read the first half of the Old Testament for a class at St. Mary’s College. I recommended that he start in the New Testament. “Start reading in John,” I said. “You’ll see that Jesus is God and that he died so that we could have forgiveness of sins.”He thanked me for the gift and said that he would start reading soon. I again suggested that we get together. And again he agreed to meet with me on that Thursday or Friday evening.

On Wednesday morning, though, he approached me in the hallway. “I’m struggling with some issues,” he said. “Today, I’m checking into a treatment facility. Obviously, I won’t be able to meet with you tomorrow.” I told Brock that I would pray for him.I sent him an e-mail later. In the message, I quoted Matthew 11:28-30, where Jesus said: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” I wrote, “Brock, I will be praying for you.” He replied with a message thanking me.

I didn’t want to be pushy, so I backed off and figured that, if he wanted to meet or discuss Christ, I would let him approach me. So time went on and never asked me about it again. About 2 weeks ago, I saw Brock in the locker room at work. I asked him if he had been reading anything lately. He mentioned 2 different books—neither of them the Bible. I had to go back to my work responsibilities. Little did I know… that was our last conversation.

On Wednesday, May 20th, Brock chose to end his life. A million questions flooded my mind this week. Why would he leave a wife and 2 sons behind? Why couldn’t I speak to him once more about the gospel? A million tears flooded my eyes. It doesn’t make sense. It’s not fair. I’ve never known anyone personally that committed suicide. It’s new, unfamiliar, unfriendly territory.
There are many issues I’ve had to work through and lessons to learn. I won’t list them all—and to tell the truth, I don’t feel like writing much more about this right now—but I would say that the most important lesson is this: Be urgent about sharing the gospel. You never know how much time someone has left. You never know what they are going through.

Each and every person desperately needs to hear the terrible news that they are a sinner and will be punished in hell for their sins. They need to hear the good news that Jesus came to die for sinners and rose again from the dead. Tell them to follow Christ—to turn from their sin and trust in Jesus to rescue them from sin and hell—and they will receive eternal life with God.